Reflections on turning seventy-four

Reflections on turning seventy-four

Tomorrow, July 4, 2011 I attaine the ripe old age of 74. In truth I don't feel much different mentally than when I was 24. It's just that the old body starts to break down like an old Buick.

It brings to mind the old adage, " if I had known that I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."

Here are 15 good things and 15 bad things about being 74 years old in the modern world. I'm sure that those of you who are seniors can add some more of your own.

GOOD THINGS:

1. Senior coffee at McDonalds.

2. Can flirt with young girls as they just dismiss you as a harmless old coot.  (men only)

3. Can drive at 55 as have nowhere that you have to be any way.

4. No longer a slave to fashion; i.e., Can buy your clothes at Goodwill.

5. Can take a nap whenever you want.

6. Don't understand popular music, nor care to.

7. Food you used to not care for is now delicious.

8. Get to wear your cap with the bill facing forward.

9. Men talk to you while looking directly at your face instead of staring at your boobs. (women only)

10. Don't have to worry about gall stones as have no gall bladder.

11. Don't have to shovel snow.

12. No more periods. (women only)

13. No longer get a "stiffy" every time you see a hot girl. (men only

14. Don't have to pay income tax as income is not high enough.

15. The knowledge that you aren't going to die young.

BAD THINGS:

1. Decaf coffee.

2. Remembering how much things used to cost.

3. All your friends are old people too.

4. Have to take a whole lotta' pills every day & don't know what most of them are for.

5. Your feet hurt, your back hurts, your knees hurt...everything hurts.

6. Don't understand popular music, nor care to.

7. Hot flashes. (women only)

8. Food that you used to like doesn't taste quite so good.

9. Insomnia.

10. Anti-insomnia i.e., fall asleep at inopportune moments during the day. Like in the middle of a movie or when talking to wife. (men only, could be a good thing too)

11. Getting up to pee two or three times in the night.

12. Going into the next room to get or do something and then forgetting what it was.

13. Have to wear suspenders to keep your pants up. (men only)

14. What used to be your cute perky breasts now are not cute and definitely not perky. (women only)

15. Most of the time you can;t find your glasses.

BEST THINGS ABOUT HAVING A BIRTHDAY ON THE FOURTH OF JULY:

1. Strawberry shortcake.

2. Burgers & Dawgs on the grill.

3. Get lots of cards & greetings as folks usually remember your B'Day when it's on the 4th.

4. Fireworks on your birthday. How great is that?

5. Never have to work on your birthday as it's a holiday. (What, never? Well,...hardly ever)

BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A BIRTHDAY ON THE FOURTH OF JULY:

1. NONE